Password: The Crane, Poole & Schmidt Edition
by bbbeluga, olucy, drsheri, melloday

Betty White was a regular panelist on the game show "Password" from 1961 through 1975, where she met and married the show's host, Allen Ludden. Later, she changed her name to Catherine Piper, moved to Boston and became a secretary - and sandwich lady - at a prestigious law firm. She persuaded her colleagues to team build by becoming contestants on "Password". We join a session already in progress:

Allen Ludden: To Alan and Melissa first. This is a $200 word, Mr. Shore. *to audience* The word is "opprobrious".
Alan: You're kidding, right?
Melissa: Oh, c'mon, Alan be a good sport
Alan: <sigh> Alright, then. Scurrilous
Melissa: Oh, uh, chipmunk!
[by bbbeluga]

The word is "feces" to Catherine and Alan:
Catherine: Handshake
Alan: Greeting
Catherine: Dog
Alan: ...Oh, dear God
[by bbbeluga & olucy]

For Alan and Melissa, the word is "thing".
Alan: Deposition...
Melissa: Thingy.
Alan: Shorter....
Melissa: Thing!
<Allen Ludden reacts in stunned amazement>
[by olucy]

Shirley:  fixtures
Alan: plumbing
Shirley: micromanagement
Alan: Ah, penis!
<Allen Ludden walks off set>
[by bbbeluga]

<whispering announcer>
For Alan and Denny, the word is: deviant
Alan: sexual...
Denny: foreplay
Alan: unusual...
Denny: erection
Alan: perverse...
Denny: cow!
<whispering announcer gasps>
Denny: horse? is it a horse?
Allen Ludden: Denny, you can only have one-word answers.
Denny: Just like my third wife, during sex
Alan: Denny, you're not focusing! Play the game! Same team! Same team!
Denny: I'm sorry! All this talk about sex, all the blood has rushed out of my head.
Allen Ludden: Please continue.
Alan: unnatural...
Denny: Pamela Anderson
Alan: Denny!
Denny: Joan Rivers. Is it Joan Rivers? I almost had sex with her, but that was a long time ago, before she was held together with a staple gun.
Alan: Oh, for the love of God.
<whispering announcer> You have ten seconds...
Denny: Who is that? Why does he get to talk?
Alan: Weird...
Denny: Yes, he is. Why is he whispering? Is he some kind of deviant?
Alan: Yes! Yes!
Denny: Then why is he here? Shouldn't he be locked away? I don't understand show business. Never have.
[by olucy]

The word is "skillet"
Alan: Bernard . . . (voice goes up)
Catherine: Little.
Alan: Mother . . .
Catherine: Person.
Alan: Evil.
Catherine: Now, dear . . .
[by drsheri]

The word is "lawyer"
Alan: Denny.
Denny: Denny Crane.
Alan: Career.
Denny: Denny Crane.
Alan: Litigator.
Denny: Denny Crane.
Alan: Attorney.
Denny: Denny Crane.
[by drsheri]

The word is ‘Lesbian’
Alan: “Lovers”
Brad: “Valentine”
Alan: “Female”
Brad: Brad’s blue eyes flash with understanding, and his mouth is moving, but no sound . . .
Alan: “Rosie . . .”
Brad: Tension lines appear on Brad’s face, but still no words . . .
Alan: “Ellen . . . ?”
Brad: Eyes watering, but yet again . . . silence
Announcer: Oh, sorry, time’s up, the word is . . . Alan breaks in and turns to the audience . . .” let’s everyone say ‘Lesbian!’”
Audience: “Lesbian!”
Alan: “Allen, that was fun. May we do that word again?”
[by Melloday]

The word is 'Vagina'
Denise: Female
Brad: Woman
Denise: Sheath
Brad: Dress
Denise: Ancient . . . (voice goes up)
Brad: Old
Denise: Seacraft
Brad: Mariner
Denise: Audrey!
Brad: (blushing; soto voce to Denise) I can't say THAT!
Denise: Do it, Brad! Just say it!
Brad: (very quietly) vagina
Allen Ludden: What was that, Brad?
Brad: (loudly, so everyone in LA can hear) VAGINA! Okay. I said it. Now are you happy?
[by drsheri]


These Password exchanges began as comments on a Betty White topic area in our forum. Want to join the game and add your own? Add it here. We'll add inspired ones to this featured Beyond The Script page.

Watch Betty White in this video clip from "Password Plus" [thanks to singingboy1978]: